I want to know WHY

I have taught leadership, self-mastery, strategic planning, and business management for a few years now and these topics were always part of the big picture when looking at a business. I often felt like something was missing, and it always came down to why.  The why was missing.  Values, another piece, provided great guidelines. The vision for the business, or my vision, did a good job in defining my world or what I have heard described as the sandbox.  The mission was always what I did or needed to be done.  But where is the passion?  That was somehow tied to the why.

The why was my purpose, the reason for which something is done or for which something exists. Before I had any buy-in, I had to understand the why. I understood my purpose.  I could say that my purpose was to realize the vision or deliver on my mission, but that did not generate much passion. When you have a purpose, you have an aim or intention in mind. I was reminded about the motto of my college, “The man who knows how will always have a job. The man who knows why will always be his boss.”  I believe that was from Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Before you can become a great leader, you have to have and understand all the elements (values, vision, mission, the plan, and purpose). That would be ideal, and my best guess is that if you have a conflict between these pieces, you have worse case.  What happens if your purpose violates your values or goes against the plan?  Many times, I have seen situations where these elements were not well understood or where there were conflicts being ignored. 

The next time you are given that great opportunity find out what needs to be done then consider why.  If you can understand all the elements and accept that there are no conflicts, you are headed for success.

Did you find some neat ideas in this blog? What are the exciting ideas you came up with, and how are you implementing them? Let me know by contacting me at dwfavor@catalystgroupinc.com.

For more information on creating a strategic plan that works, contact cheryl@catalystgroupinc.com

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Looking for Joy

I had lost my joy.  When I checked in, I found that I was surrounded by false boundaries.  Over time these boundaries were formed by fear, judgment, hate, and ego.  I would read and listen only to prove myself right and reinforce my judgments, fears, and hate. That is the harsh reality of it.  The boundaries were sturdy and well-entrenched.  Several events in my life started attacking these boundaries, but I held out for a long time.  Eventually, with some help, I saw a glimmer of joy outside these walls.  Being curious I started to search for the source of that joy.  For me the beginning of my journey was an idea that if I could read and listen for understanding instead of proof, I could find that source. I was not out to prove myself wrong, but on the chance that I misunderstood something I was ready to listen.   

I started with religion, not because it was a magical source but because I was already familiar with some of the teachings.  The difference this time was I started to hear the messages differently.   There was a belief hidden in these messages that said I was special.  I didn’t feel special.  One of my many mentors would ask; what title do you give yourself?  I had a lot of them, all negative.  I began to realize that I was my own worse influence.  My interpretation of my world was causing most of my frustrations. As I began to expand my view of myself beyond my boundaries, I found more joy.  This has potential.

I was ready to try out these new understandings.  I found out that sometimes there is more than one way to do something; not everyone was out to get me, and a few health scares are not the end of me. This was kind of liberating.  What if I expanded beyond myself and looked at others differently?  Slowly I started replacing fear, hate, and judgments with understanding, forgiveness, and compassion. 

Well, it didn’t take long for that idea to get stepped on.  I had to regroup and put some of those boundaries back up.  The loneliness of my self-imposed boundaries reminded me that there was something better.  Slowly I started again to remove those boundaries but this time with some lessons learned.  Gradually I broke out of my boundaries again and found that I was the problem.  I could at least start loving myself.  I started removing negative thoughts and replaced them with positive.  I learned about what many called spirituality or mindfulness.  I cautiously started down this path to joy. 

I suspect there are some reading this thinking, what a bunch of bunk.  I even have a few in my audience snickering but internally thinking, what-if.  OK, but let’s look at the what-if.  I started finding people in my world that added to my joy.  As my trust and understanding grew, my joy expanded.  I was not alone.  I found a select few that I could share my fantasies, fears, accomplishments with, without reservations.  There were others that were outside that sphere, but even with these, if I focused on understanding, compassion, and acceptance, my joy expanded. I was ready to share my revelation with the world only to discover that most people already knew this.  Now I am not sure why it took a major event in my life for me to discover this.

What the world needs now is more love and less hate, more understanding and less fake news, and more compassion and less judgment.   Start with yourself and expand your world.  

Did you find some neat ideas in this blog? What are the exciting ideas you came up with, and how are you implementing them? Let me know by contacting me at dwfavor@catalystgroupinc.com.

For more information on creating a strategic plan that works, contact cheryl@catalystgroupinc.com

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I Don’t Understand!

Have you ever made a simple statement to someone, and the response back was: I don’t understand?  Here is my example: I say the boss has asked me to paint the sky blue.  OK, I don’t understand!  I am now trying to figure out what is not understood.  This person must know who the boss is, what it means to paint, and what the color blue is. So, I repeat it back slower. Same response back, I don’t understand.  Well should I define paint, show this person a color sample, or what. This goes back and forth a few times before the person I am talking to says, I give up if you can’t explain it forget it. 

I have seen this happen in business and relationships often.  Both parties are left confused and frustrated.  There were no communications by either side.  My best guess is that the misunderstanding has little to do with the statement made and a lot to do with why the statement was made.  It was never said by your audience what was not understood.  If I made the statement, I assumed it was the statement that was not understood.  Saying it slower or breaking it apart would not make any difference. So, what is going on?

The audience for my comment is trying to figure out the relevance of what I said.  Was my statement related to what we were talking about?  Did the statement have anything to do with me, or was it just information? Why does my audience care if my boss asked me to do anything?  I have often witnessed statements being made that were just tossed out there.  What if I added some relevant information to my statement?  You may find this amusing; my boss asked me to paint the sky blue.  Now my audience has more information.

The next time you start a conversation at work, add a little why to your what.  I am on a tight schedule, could you put some paper in the printer. 

Did you find some neat ideas in this blog? What are the exciting ideas you came up with, and how are you implementing them? Let me know by contacting me at dwfavor@catalystgroupinc.com.

For more information on creating a strategic plan that works, contact cheryl@catalystgroupinc.com

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The Chicken and the Egg

What came first, the chicken or the egg. I would ponder questions like this all the time. One of my revelations was this, that question applies to business as it does to life.  There are two groups I found; one believes the answer can be found in evolution and the other in miracles. I watched these groups working.  The first group was doing research and documenting all kinds of stuff, and one day said here is an egg, and if you do this to it, a chicken will develop, and if you do this, you have an omelet.  It took some time, but they had it all wrapped up in a pretty package and were selling both eggs and omelets.   The other group was walking in the forest and stumbled on an egg.  While deciding what to do with it, they dropped it in a frying pan and said behold; I have an omelet.  They went into business selling omelets.  They had no overhead and could sell at a lower price, so quickly took over the market.  The other group saw this and went to work to develop a better egg and, thus, a better omelet.

OK, so no great big surprise here.  What intrigued me was that this happens in business all the time. I have to ask if your business has a chicken, an egg, or an omelet.   Let me continue my story for just a bit more.  

One day a wise man witnessed both groups and decided to get the best of both worlds.  He combined the groups and had instant chaos. The first group wanted to plan and research. They created a strategic plan and a process.  They could produce the best omelets with the most efficiency.  The other group just cooked omelets anyway they could.  They could produce faster and cheaper, but perhaps not the best omelets.   The first group said they did the most and deserved the credit for the omelet.  The second group said they discovered the omelet and deserved all the credit.  The wise man said you are both right and both wrong.  He separated the groups, put his name on the business, and all were happy.

I have seen many small businesses like that, waiting for the wise man to appear.  In my world of best business practices, that person is called the leader. The leader knows that a winning team needs both the dreamers and the doers. The strategic plan is only useful if the plan is executed.  I have seen examples of all three; the group that is stuck in the planning stage, the group that is running around crashing into each other, and the high-performance team. 

Ah, another puzzle to pounder.  What was the missing element?  Why was one team leader more successful?  My answer was control.  Ever hear that song the gambler?  You got to know when to hold them and when to fold them!  If I go back and look at the business that was the most successful, the leader learned when to give up control.  That was the secret all along.

With these lessons in mind, we try to separate our business make-over projects into three phases; strategic planning, execution, and production.  In the strategic planning phase, it is important to get information from all sides and to stay focused on planning.  Production problems are feedback for consideration in the planning process. In the execution phase, it is important to stay on plan and focus on execution.  We do not want massive changes; we want refinements and corrections. In the production phase you need to stay focused on the process and an orderly refinement of the process.  In this phase we refer back to the strategic plan. So often these phases get merged.  In an existing production environment, it is hard to prevent conflicts.  That is where leadership and change management skills come into play.

People will resist change, jockey for position of power, and often misunderstand the plan.  It is important to get everyone on the same page when you start the execution phase.  Often you bring in people that were not part of the planning team. People often are threatened by change they do not understand. Often job descriptions and positions are changed. Beware of the expert that was not involved in the planning phase who says: I know how to do this, stand aside and let me get the job done.  The new process will grow and improve with use.

Did you find some neat ideas in this blog? What are the exciting ideas you came up with, and how are you implementing them? Let me know by contacting me at dwfavor@catalystgroupinc.com.

For more information on creating a strategic plan that works, contact cheryl@catalystgroupinc.com

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Are You Complaining?

By David W. Favor

Have you ever had someone tell you to stop being so negative? We all have days when negative feelings put us in a mood to criticize everything. You know you should be grateful for the life you have but being negative gets the better of you. Venting and complaining are fine in moderation and can even help you feel better and move on. Complaining frequently doesn’t mean you lack gratitude for what’s going well in your life; rather, it may be that you are thinking and worrying more about what’s not working for you. It is easy to get into a negative mood if there is a lot going on around you, and this can steal your joy.

Someone once told me that I was negative. I know that it is hard to imagine (smile), but what does that mean? I believe that we are bombarded with negative thoughts. For every positive/feel-good story in the news, there are more negative stories. After the latest shooting incident, I would discuss gun control or homeland security. Was that being negative or was that a search for an answer? Sometimes I just get overwhelmed by events that dump on my parade.

I do try hard not to be negative. OK, for all you Star Wars fans, I know there is no try, there is only do (“Do or do not. There is no try.” Is Yoda’s advice in The Empire Strikes Back). In reality, that’s easier said than done. I didn’t realize that every time I mentioned how warm the house was that others perceived me as being negative. I thought I was just making a statement of fact. How can you talk about something that you want to change without being negative?

The negativity seems to come from the delivery of the message and interpretation by the recipient. I believe that part of the definition of being negative must be your intention. If you intend to prove someone wrong or make them feel bad, you are probably negative. Many times, being negative is a perception. I don’t like being corrected, so I perceive that as being negative. When someone perceives that they are being challenged, they will tend to see the statement as hostile or negative.

Let’s take my example of the house being too warm. I could get two different responses to my statement. If you agree with me that the house is warm you would probably respond with – right, let’s adjust the heat. If you don’t agree with me, you might respond with – why are you so negative? If the statement is unintentionally worded as a challenge, you get these results. The clue was when I said – I thought I was just stating a fact. But if I word it as my opinion, there is no challenge. So instead I could have said, “the house is getting too warm for me, can we adjust the heat?” If others agree, the temperature will be adjusted. If not, I’ll be changing into shorts and flip flops. The odds of changing the temperature are the same, but the odds of hurt feelings decline.

The same observation pertains to an office. What if I walked into the workroom and said, the copier is out of paper? OK, this is a fact, but it could also be perceived as a complaint. Did someone forget to load paper? Or perhaps I am demanding someone else get up an add paper to the machine. If so, this type of statement challenges someone. What if I said, “I added paper to the copier so the next job should print okay.”

What I have discovered is that absolute statements tend to challenge. You are much better off if you state how you feel or what you want. You could say, “I am going to be doing a lot of copying, can we please make sure there is paper in the copier?” Just saying the copier is out of paper is a challenge.

I also believe there are times when a challenge is appropriate. If you want others to see the reality of a situation along with a solution that shows a course correction, issuing a challenge can be effective. You must first make sure it is your role to deliver this statement, otherwise you may really get people mad! At this point, it is important to have clarity, consider the purpose of the statement, and the desired solution. A negative statement can be empowering because it allows you to see the reality of your situation and limitations. Without negativity, you may never find out that you could do better. I will admit that positive thinking produces amazing dreams, visions, and goals. I am all for it. However, negative thinking can produce plans and strategies to improve. Just make sure your intent is to improve or help.

Now getting back to me. I still don’t like all these health issues, my dog pooping on the deck, or my printer jamming. On the other hand, the sun is out, it is not too hot, and having coffee on the deck seems like a good idea. Remember that song by Bobby McFerrin; In every life, we have some trouble, but when you worry you make it double. Don’t worry, be happy! I say, go for the happy.

Did you find some neat ideas in this blog? What are the exciting ideas you came up with, and how are you implementing them? Let me know by contacting me at dwfavor@catalystgroupinc.com.

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What’s Next?

By David Favor

Planning is something that nearly everyone would agree is important. Still, most people ignore the positives and shrug it off as too much work or pointless. Planning is the act of anticipating what you will need to know, what you will need to have, and what you will need to do, to achieve your personal goals.

If you have not defined your goal, it is hard to know exactly what you will need. Over the years, I discovered most people do not know the goal. They use whatever the immediate need is as the goal. There is no futuristic goal, just real time. I have seen this in both personal and business situations. Even if there is a future goal, people tend to let immediate needs take over. Here is an example:

We are in a meeting, and we all agree that in three days we will publish an article. I get the assignment and develop my three needs. The next day I start to execute my plan. My first need is for information, so I start to research. While I am busy doing my research, I am told to stop doing that and instead do something else. There is no discussion of the relative importance or priority of either action. I execute the new task and get back to doing my research until I am again told, stop doing that and do this. Again, no priority or thought of importance. By day two nobody remembers that we were to publish an article tomorrow until we get a notice. Everyone is shocked, and on day three, we scramble to write an article.

In many cases, I have seen a discussion about all the interruptions concluding that none were important. So why didn’t the team stay focused on the primary goal? I would say that the leadership was focused on immediate gratification, not quality deliverables. There is not an easy resolution. I have met many people that are quite capable of planning but sill focus on the immediate needs. Sometimes they get tunnel vision and do not even consider the planned projects. They constantly get surprised by events and interrupts.

There is something else going on here. Sometimes the planning sessions are not complete, and the goals we develop are not real. There is no real buy-in on the goal developed and no priority assigned. When that happens, any interrupt that comes in has the same priority and buy-in as the original goal. There is no incentive to focus on the goal developed in the planning session. The result is a reactive team with loose plans that quickly fall apart.
Planning provides a list of needs to make effective decisions about how to allocate resources to enable the organization to reach its objectives. Being constantly focused on immediate needs prevents a good allocation of resources. The business process eventually becomes very inefficient.

The problem I see with all of this is our inability to foresee the future. Planning would be easy if we could see the future, but without that, we do our best to predict what the future will be like. The planning process is a lot of predicting and best guessing. The measure of how effective you are at that process is a measure of how close your plan matches reality. Back in my corporate days, we would measure the effectiveness of our planning departments by measuring how close they came to schedules and cost after a project was completed. They hated that measurement and often complained by saying it was not fair. I would always point out that developing an accurate plan was what they were hired to do. I carried some of that logic with me when I started working with law firms. I had a client that would ask his attorneys to predict the value of a case when they accepted it. So, I developed a set of metrics that would measure how accurate that prediction was after the case settled. You should have heard the noise I got after I did that. The same principle applies, part of their job was to evaluate potential cases before accepting.

Strategic planning includes a set of business analysis like the SWOT to gather the information that can be used to predict the potential for a plan. We use historical data and competitive performance data as well in that mix. Now stand back and look at what strategic planning is all about. Stage one is developing what you want. This includes the values you intend to adhere to, the vision of what success looks like, and the audience you want to serve. Then stage two is the analysis phase where you do the SWOT, collect historical data, and evaluate what you have in place (talent, resources, and competitive advantages). Stage three is where you develop the plan, and stage four is where you execute the plan.

I would never suggest that a strategic plan should never be altered, but I would say that a good strategic plan would provide the most effective execution. The best strategic plans have the best prediction of the future with built-in tools to handle course corrections. A lot of that course correction will be dependent on the performance metrics selected and the relevance of the data.

Did you find some neat ideas in this blog? What are the exciting ideas you came up with, and how are you implementing them? Let me know by contacting me at dwfavor@catalystgroupinc.com.

For more information on creating a strategic plan that works, contact cheryl@catalystgroupinc.com.

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What’s the Purpose?

By David Favor

When people feel like they have no purpose in their life, it’s often because they don’t know what’s important to them, or they don’t know what their values are. Well, what about businesses? I have found the same to be true. Based on my research, I found businesses with a defined purpose (other than making money) were more successful than most.

The businesses I worked with that primarily focused on making money usually had only financial metrics and KPIs to measure performance. That seemed natural to me, so why were businesses focused on a more inclusive purpose more successful?

Over time I discovered some clues. If you are focused on money, you work harder to make more. The world around you is against that focus, so you have to work even harder. Eventually, you are working too hard for too little. Often you get such tunnel vision that you do not see what is happening around you. It is a never ending cycle.

Then I looked at businesses focused on a purpose instead of profits. These businesses did not see their efforts as work. They enjoyed being focused on their purpose. Here is what they did:

  1. They developed a vision – what is the desired future?
  2. Now the mission – what are we going to do?
  3. Strategic plan – how are we going to do this?
  4. Goals and metrics – how well are we doing?

Make no mistake: making money is a requirement if you want to stay in business, but for these companies profits were de-prioritized in the mission and the strategic plan. Their focus was on the vision and the purpose; this gave the business much more wiggle room to adapt to the environment in which they participated. Their measure of success included several metrics outside of financials, much like the balanced scorecard idea developed back in the 70’s.

This idea of a vision and a purpose is often foreign to many of the people I talk with. The idea that we were each born with a mission and it is our purpose to find out what it is, is kind of daunting. This, and many other childhood lessons have fallen by the wayside for me. We are on this earth for an undetermined period. During that time we do things, experience opportunities, have failures, and generally keep busy. Some of that busyness is wasted on dumb ideas, and some are very fruitful. A lot of that wasted time for me was sitting on a couch munching on snacks and wondering what the meaning of life was. I would have better spent that time getting up and discovering what feels right.

Instead of waiting for the answer to appear, experiment. What did I enjoy doing or eating? What caused people to say good things about me. My problem is, I feel safe on the couch. Right now, there is something that I am thinking about doing, but I never do it. I have great reasons why I should not do it, but in the end, I stay on the couch eating snacks. Most of the time, my reason is what I think other people will think. If that is how you feel, that is how you will run your company.

Did you find some neat ideas in this blog? What are the exciting ideas you came up with, and how are you implementing them? Let me know by contacting me at dwfavor@catalystgroupinc.com.

For more information on creating a strategic plan that works, contact cheryl@catalystgroupinc.com.

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The Party is Canceled

By David Favor

I have been given opportunities in life for over 75 years. After 75, I stopped counting but kept on learning. What I have learned is that there are no absolutes and no guarantees in life. I have been through self-mastery training and learned that I have more control over my life than I first thought. I learned that my emotions, bias, and experiences would determine how I feel and act. That suggests I can monitor and change the way I react to circumstances. If I can do it, so can you.

I learned that while I may have more control than I thought, I am not in full control. I have had my surprises in life with health, relationships, and business. I learned through six years in the Navy, 32 years in corporate America, several major surgeries (heart bypass, prostate cancer, and joint replacements), a diagnosis of Muscular Dystrophy, and two primary long-term relationships. All these added to my bucket of experiences and changed the way I react to life. How big is your experience bucket?

One day out on my deck I was thinking about all this, getting ready to have a pretty good pity party. You may know about these parties. That is where I say life is not fair, woe is me, and other crazy thoughts. Today was going to be different. It occurred to me what a total waste of time a pity party would be. If I was in control of how I interpreted events and that interpretation controlled how I feel, then why not choose to be happy? I could even take it a step further and suggest, why not be joyful? Then a negative thought crept in: is this reality? A job, a business, our health, or a relationship can be given and taken away at any time. Crap; talk about negative vibes. But I don’t have time to waste with negative thinking.

When we are at the end of our lives we will determine if our life was well lived. OK, so the people around me may judge my life, but that is their burden. Getting back to my plans for today, I had better get busy and start adding some positive experiences before that day comes. I think that we all choose to stop or continue, believe or blame, have faith or be afraid. We need to take the chances we are given in life. I now have a new day ready to start. The pity party has been canceled. Let the joy commence.

Many years ago, when I was in the Navy on board a destroyer, I had a friend that had this crazy theory. When we had the chance to go ashore, he would ask every young lady he met if she would go out with him. He got a lot of slaps, but every night he went home with a girl on his arm. The rest of us just went home bummed out. Perhaps not the best example of virtue, but the theory works. So go ahead and live your life and get rid of the “what ifs,” the fears, the worries, the judgments, the second-guessing, and know that you might as well take a chance and live your life the way you truly want to live it, knowing that life can be short, so don’t waste a lot of time.

Now it is up to me how this day will roll out. Do I have what it takes to ask for what I want, express what I truly feel or risk taking a chance? Well, I am thinking here I am staring at old age (not there yet), with more than a few health issues, and feeling pretty good. What the heck, may as well take that chance. This should be an exciting day.

Did you find some neat ideas in this blog? What are the exciting ideas you came up with, and how are you implementing them? Let me know by contacting me at dwfavor@catalystgroupinc.com.

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Just the Facts

“Just the facts” was attributed to a radio satire called Dragnet back in 1953. That statement seems strange today amid all the fake news we hear. “Fake news” was not a term many people used four years ago, but it is now seen as one of the greatest threats to our way of life.  I thought about the current political environment. Last week there was a news special report that implied that the current administration created “fake news” 97% of the time.  Some of that is our perception, like my truth and your truth, but it impacts us every day. 

This is more than politics these days.  I have seen this happen in business, politics and our personal lives.  Sometimes it is hard to know what to believe.  Today I received a call telling me that someone was on the way over and would be at my home in ten minutes.  I ran around getting everything ready, and 45 minutes later a car drove in my driveway.  A simple thing but typical of what happens.  Over time we tend to adjust our interpretation of statements, and when I hear ten minutes, I determine that what was meant was within the hour.

With all that storytelling I found a lot of rationalization. A rationalization is a form of self-deception by which we convince ourselves that what we just did is justified to achieve a good result. Often we tend to rationalize for people we care about. If we were true stewards, we would hold them accountable for their actions and promises. We should do the same with our selves.

If you have a value system that rejects lying, or fake news, you will not experience joy in this environment. The problem is, we rely on what we are told to adjust our life.  We change schedules and activities based on what we perceive was said. Now imagine if you were running a fast-paced business.  You would rely on what you are told and what you perceive to be true to manage that business. Things can get very confusing very quickly.  At some point, we tend to give up.  The energy it takes to interpret every response we hear becomes so invasive that we can not make good decisions. We tend to try and control the situation.  One of the most popular methods of regaining control is to do everything yourself.  We do not rely on anyone.  We soon get overwhelmed because there is not enough time in the day to do everything.

I have not found a simple solution to this.  We have to rely on others and learn how to communicate better.  The best results I have experienced were when I repeat back what I heard and what my expectations are.  As I develop a level of trust, I adjust my expectations and often make those expectations known.  I have also learned that if I do not say anything there is no correction made and the situation becomes worse.  You cannot ignore that our culture is changing. We must adapt.

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Just Give it Up

Can I be honest here?

Today was not one of my better days.  I started by dropping a bowl of tuna casserole resulting in glass and casserole all over. Next, I backed the car into the garage door resulting in $1200 of damage to the car. It is easy to say the damage is done now get over it if it is someone else; however, I kept these events alive and active for hours.  The next day I was still attacking myself for these events.  As I was driving to the body shop to get the estimate on the damage, I kept reminding myself that dwelling on this was wasted time.  Not only was I keeping it alive and active, I was expanding it.  By lunch time on the second day, I had worked up a great story.  There was clearly a problem with the car that caused the mishap.  I was upset, but that was not my fault either.  My being upset was caused by the people around me not acknowledging the pain I was in. 

I was headed for a great pity party.  Somehow, I slowed down enough to realize that I was alone at this party.  I had caused the events, I had embellished the events, I kept them alive, and I had this feeling that I could end this party.  This reminded me of a management class I had taken many years ago called “The Care and Feeding of Monkeys.”  The class had nothing to do with monkeys, and I think it was based on an article in the Harvard Business Review back in 1974.  That course was all about delegating and management style but had some similarities to what I was feeling now.  In this case, I am creating the monkey and feeding it.  I needed to get back to my party, but the spell had been broken.  Party was over.

I had wasted almost two days feeling bad.  All that self-mastery training tossed aside.  Why do we keep doing this? I suppose there are a few out there that love to beat themselves up and really enjoy the pity party, but I always felt that I was not in that group.  In my earlier blogs, I stated that this was the year I was going to be more positive and find joy.  It just seemed to be so difficult to accept that it happened, and it is over. It was easy to tell people that I was over it but not so easy internally to believe that.  I was still trying to prove that it was not my fault, or that I had no choice.  The truth is, I was rushing when I took the food out of the microwave and I was not paying attention when I backed the car out.

The moment of truth came when I arrived at the body shop.  The first question was, how did this happen?  Well, it could be vandals, or a defective tailgate, or bad lighting.  As these thoughts swirled in my head, I caught myself saying it was me. Nothing fancy, I just backed into the door.  I felt relieved as that monkey jumped off my back.  The body shop manager thought that was the best story he had heard. 

I have no idea what the circumstances will be for your traumatic event, or if you ever have had one.  But if you do, I know how you can save yourself some time…quit feeding the monkey!

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